Chapter 6
He could hear the slow tear of his bag as he came from behind the houses that sat on the street behind the fried chicken restaurant. There were a couple of women out with their children, talking in the whisper of the street. Taking off his hat, putting it in his pocket, he pulled the coat hood over his head. The sun was still out, and the temperature had gotten colder.
The walk up the two lane street had become difficult as he stumbled over the gravel of broken street and dirt, and the fast passing of cars. He didn’t understand why the city wouldn’t have the sidewalk come all the way down through the city. The two lane street was still a busy street way.
One of the young children began to scream across the street, in the direction of the new apartment buildings across the street from the restaurant. The paper bag tore under the pressure of his hands, the can of peas rolling out onto the street. Cousin put the bag down, standing up from the pain in his back. He hadn’t stopped since he had stopped at the abandoned store across from the industrial neighborhood. And he was tired. The sight of the alley would be a welcome to him.
Grabbing the can of peas, covering the bottom hole of the paper bag with both his hands, he dropped the can in the bag. He could tell that the bag would tear completely apart if he didn’t stop soon. The young child continued in his scream as Cousin walked up on the fried chicken parking lot.
“Boy, I told you to stop all that screaming. Scream one more time, and I’m going to spank your butt out here in front of your friends.” The one child, whose mother had said something to him, began to run around in circles, laughing at what seemed like the nothing he was hearing in is mind. He screamed again, his mother abruptly stopping her conversation with the woman, snatching her son up by his hand.
“That’s it. Play time is over. Let’s go in the house.” Cousin could hear the little boy scream out as he continued to walk from the back of the parking lot.
“No, I don’t want to go in the house. I was just playing. I want to go to the fried chicken store.”
The parking lot was empty, but Cousin could see a couple of people on the inside at the counter. Pulling down on the top of the bag, the bag began to tear on the sides. From where he stood on the corner of the street in front of the fried chicken store, he could see the entrance to the first brick building that separated the alley.
He breathed out heavy as he stepped into the street, the small car driving by, blowing the horn. Cousin, ignoring the light signal, walked through and across the passing of the cars going back forth. Walking up on the sidewalk, the row of new apartment buildings looked empty as usual. The sidewalk down the cross street was empty.
He slowed his speed, concentrating on how he held the paper bag, walking heavy in his steps. The brick buildings looked empty also, but the main street was crowded with cars from people coming home from work or downtown.
As he came up on the brick building front doors, the beginning entrance of the alley was dark. The back of a car could be seen parked next to the building in the alley. It was the car parked from the rain. Cousin approached the alley, the car suddenly starting, exhaust pouring out, the car disappearing into the cover of the building and the alley.
Cousin turned into the alley. At the front entrance of the alley, the car stopped, turning into the direction away from the city.
In the alley darkness, Cousin could hear music coming from the apartment buildings. Looking up, his walk forward caused him to stagger. From behind him, he could hear a crowd of people walk out the fried hamburger restaurant. They were laughing, as cars doors closed shut. Walking further into the alley, past the first large trash can, he could see the mattresses where he slept. The small metal trash can at the front of the building in the alley was gone. Someone from the restaurant might have taken it into the store. Maybe they had something wrong in the restaurant.
He never liked to be away from the alley for long periods of time for fear that he might had missed something in important that he needed to know. He would often try to forget that it was an alley, and that he was outside, and one of the ways he did that was to always be around the people, where he would be them, and not him.
Cousin looked down at the ragged mattress at his feet where he slept, slowly placing the torn paper bag on the alley street. The bag had been heavy he finally concluded, his arms aching from the swell of hands and wrist. Even in the cold, his arms had swollen up. The bag tore apart on the alley floor, the cans of food and the two plastic bags of food spilled out on the brick and concrete.
Walking to where he had his book bag, underneath the metal panel under the cardboard, he fell back against the brick wall, falling to the ground. With his knees in the air, he dropped his head into his lap. He was tired, closing his eyes . . . .
It was the sound of the car pulling into the end of the alley, parking next to the apartment building, that had awaken him to the cool of the setting of the sun. It was not yet dark, but the clouds had darkened the light as the sun continued in its set. One of the men got out the car. It was the same car parked earlier, and from the day it had rained.
“And leave the gas pedal alone. If we get a speeding ticket, then what? Are you going to pay for it?”
“There you go again. I was not speeding, and we haven’t gotten a ticket yet so why would you worry?”
“Because you don’t understand that we don’t need no more problems than the problems we already have. I just need you to sit here for one second. I’m going to run upstairs to see what she wants, and then we can go attend to our business.”
“What time did he say we were supposed to be there?”
“He didn’t say no time, that we had to be there before they closed.”
“Well, what time is that?”
“He didn’t say.”
The man driving the car began to laugh as the man in the passenger seat got out the car. “Go ahead and laugh then. I told you it was going to work out, and it is.”
The head lights of the car cut on and off, and on again. The play of the lights began to create a headache for Cousin, the lights finally cutting off. Cousin began to move a little in his rest. If the man in the car saw him, he might want to walk down and start to talk to him, and he was too tired to run or walk away or talk.
Cousin could feel the pain from his headache. He had not wanted to eat so soon from the morning food he had ate, but the taste of food would help the headache go away. If he decided to eat, he would go back across the street to the fried chicken restaurant to use the bath room. If they questioned him, he would just buy something he could afford; a little drink of soda or some fried potatoes.
The man came back from around the building corner, getting back into the car.
“See, I told you. That wasn’t no time, and now we can go.”
“What did she want?”
“Do you know that she didn’t want nothing. I had to make her give me two dollars for gas.” The man in the driver’s seat began to laugh again, starting the small car up in the alley. From where he sat, Cousin could see the small cloud of smoke come from behind the car as the car pulled into the darkness of the alley, driving into the direction of where Cousin sat.
Cousin dropped his head into his lap to listen to the car drive by, stopping at the entrance of the alley. The car pulled out of the alley onto the main street. He was too tired to care whether they saw him or not. Closing his eyes, the noise of the alley continued from across the street.
The car pulled up to the convenient store, but no one got out; a car full of young women and older women. They spoke with a deep accent.
“And don’t stay in there all afternoon, talking about what you need to get. I have to be downtown before the store closes.”
“The store is already closed,” the voice sounding sad as the young woman sat back in the backseat.
“The store can’t be closed. It’s not even night time, and the clock says it’s not even 4:00 p.m.”
The driver slammed the door to the car, standing in the street. Cousin thought she would get hit.
“That’s not the correct time. That clock doesn’t work. It’s been saying 4:00 p.m. for a while now.”
The car passed the older woman in the street, blowing some kind of dress that the woman had on, in the direction that the car had been traveling. She didn’t seem to be concerned that the car had passed her close or that she still stood in the street. Walking around the front of the car, the woman ran into the convenient store.
Cousin could hear the man that owned the store behind the counter scream out at the woman like he knew her. That’s where Cousin had heard the deep accent from. They were probably from the same country or family.
“I told you she was going to be in there all day. And the store might still be open if it’s still light outside.”
“The store is closed.” Again the young woman’s voice in the backseat of the car sounding disappointed.
“Stop saying that, ‘the store is closed’, ‘the store is closed',” mimicking the sound of the younger woman. “You sound depressing. Do you know what time the store closes?”
“Its closed now,” she answered, rolling down the backseat window, screaming out the window into the store, at the woman in the store. “Buy some potato chips.”
Cousin could see the woman standing at the counter, at what looked like conversation with the owner. She looked out the store window at the car, shaking her head that she hadn’t heard what the young woman had said.
“Some potato chips,” she said yelled again. The woman in the counter grabbed the small bag of potato chips on the front rack at the counter, holding up the bag to the view of the women in the car.
“Yeah,” to the approval of the woman in the car. The woman put the potato chip bag on the counter. The conversation between the women in the car continued.
“Do you know what time they close or are you saying they’re closed because the downtown businesses close early?”
“I don’t know. I just know they’re closed.”
The woman in the front seat sat back, breathing out heavy. “See, I knew this was going to happen. And this is the last day they’re going to have that price on those shoes. And for what? Because there are more important things in the world than shoes speech. But she took her time putting on her clothes to make sure everyone would see her, ‘look at me, look at me’.” Everyone in the car laughed as the woman in the store came out, throwing the bag of potato chips through the backseat window, walking back into the store.
The woman in the front seat rolled down her window quickly, sticking her head out the window. “What are you doing?” as the front doors of the convenient store closed behind the woman. From just on the inside of the store, she raised her hand, telling the woman to hold on for a second.
The woman that sat behind the driver looked across the street up into the alley. She could see the ragged bed mattress on the alley street, torn and ragged. Looking closer at the small restaurant across the street, she could see Cousin sitting down on the alley street, against the building, looking at them. She began to stare at the cold of his situation. She knew what it was, seeing the cars in the far distance of the back of the alley entrance passing by on the back main street.
Cousin saw the woman looking in his direction. Dropping his head and closing his eyes, he began to listen for them to leave.
“You know, you all talking about the material possessions of the world, but look at the man living in the alley,” directing their attention to Cousin in his seated possession. All the women in the car looked at the large man that sat up small against the high rise of the building.
The silence of his eyes seemed like a long time before he heard any sound. Not wanting to look up, he kept his head down into the alley street. They had seen him, and were looking at him. He just wanted them to leave, still listening for the sound of a car starting.
But Cousin heard a car door open and close, and the sound of something hard taping across the street in his direction. He wanted to look up, but didn’t, the sound of footsteps jumping up on the sidewalk, walking into the alley. As the awkward tap of footsteps entered the alley, he could fell there was danger, not knowing or seeing who it was. He felt his shoulders tense. He wanted to move, but didn’t. He wanted to open his eyes, but didn’t.
The voice was soft with a deep accent. It was a woman’s voice.
“Uh, excuse me, sir.” There was no answer. Cousin wanted her to leave the alley. “Uh sir, excuse me,” the hesitation in her voice causing him to raise his head and eyes into the face of a woman. It was the woman driving that had went into the store. She stared into Cousin’s face as he stared into her eyes. Over the beauty of the woman, he could see she had her hand out with what looked like money.
Waving the money to Cousin, “I wanted you to have this,” pointing to the car load of women across the street. All the women in the alley were staring at him. Cousin took the money in his hand, too nervous to speak, managing to nod his head for the woman’s generosity. The woman smiled, looking up into the back entrance of the alley, the cars passing on the back main street. The woman began to walk back to the car.
As she walked out of the alley onto the street, thank you managed to blurt out, mumbling over his words. Now they were going to think that not only did he live in alley, but that he couldn’t talk either.
She waved at Cousin, continuing across the street, getting in the car. Cousin wanted to stare, but slowly dropped his head back into his lap. And as he closed his eyes, he could see the stare of the woman that sat behind the driver’s seat still staring. He heard the car start, the chatter of the voices of women coming across into the alley. Cousin heard the car drive off down the street. They were gone, and his distress at their staring, gone with them.
He felt the money in his hand, unfolding the wrinkled paper. He hadn’t wanted to take it, more of a response for the woman to hurry up, and leave from where he was. And now that they saw him, and where he was, they would probably come back.
What if they saw him sleeping or came to the alley when he was sleep. He could feel himself tense up again around the shoulders. The headache in his thoughts strained the look on his face. First, it was the man downtown, and now someone had seen him in the alley.
Cousin reached out his hand that held the money, grabbing hold of the mattress that laid flat next to him. The cold of the alley had helped dry the mattress, the sides of where the majority of the water had soaked, was dry. In his tire, he pushed the mattress with the bottom of his feet, laying out on the alley street. Turning over on his side, Cousin turned his face into the stare of the building, stretching his legs on top the mattress. He would leave the mattress until later when it got darker, the warm from the alley street soaking though his coat and pants. Cousin closed his eyes again, this time to the comfort of the alley street, holding the fold of money in his hand . . . .
When Cousin woke this time, the money in his hand had fallen to the alley street, laying up under his hand. He could still see the stare of the woman in the backseat of the car. She had seen him in the alley, and could only stare. What if it was her, that it could be her? That there was no help for him or her is what she had said.
Lifting his head from the hard alley concrete, Cousin looked up the alley. There was the shadow of the small parked car at the alley’s entrance. It was dark now, and Cousin wasn’t sure if someone was in the car, sliding to the wall of the building, standing to his feet. He backed up further against the wall.
He had been tired, no knowing how long he had slept, but that it was much needed. He could feel his breathing easier, his headache gone, and his thoughts were clearer. There was the feel of the emptiness of his stomach, that he was hungry.
Reaching into his coat pocket, he pulled the small bag of cakes that he had been given at the eatery. The small bag was pushed smooth together flat as Cousin opened the bag, the cream and frost from the cakes separating from across the bag.
Cousin looked in the direction of the car, pulling a small piece of cake from the bag, putting it into his mouth. The piece he had grabbed wasn’t cake like bread, but a cream like taste that was thick. It was dry as he bit down into it at first. But as he began to chew into the taste, the flavor of the cake becoming real moist.
Cousin swallowed the cake, grabbing another piece from the bag. This piece tasted like a bread cake with some type of vanilla, strawberry topping. Backing away from the mattress, he looked to see if anyone was around at the front of the alley, on the sidewalk or across the street at the store. The front of the alley was empty as he continued in his eating of the cake. The first piece he had swallowed was better than the second piece, reaching into the bag again.
Cousin walked across the darker part of the alley, across the middle of the alley street to the window of the apartment in the abandoned building. Toward the middle of the alley street, the street light showed the large man walking across the alley.
Cousin looked in the direction of the car again, walking to the front entrance of the alley as if he was about to walk onto the sidewalk. Walking pass the alley window, Cousin backed up to the stand of the building where he couldn’t see the car.
Before he could begin to move around in what he wanted to do, he would have to first see if someone was in the car. He didn’t want someone watching him as he messed with the bed mattress.
Cousin walked back in the direction of the back of the alley, and where the car was parked. He would have to take his time. It was dark, and the alley looked secluded in the night time. To walk up on someone in the alley at night might startle them or might seem threating, creating some type of problem. At the same time, Cousin didn’t want to be in some one’s business just because he didn’t know.
Coming back into the view of the car, Cousin walked passed the alley window again, staying close to the dark of the buildings. Coming up on the large trash can, he sat on the crate at the corner of the middle of the building. His strength was coming back to him, taking a quick look around the small corner of the building.
He was closer now, and the car looked completely dark, cold and empty. He saw no shadows moving about in the car. Sliding back against the building, Cousin grabbed another piece of cake from the small bag. This piece didn’t really have no taste, but was very sweet. Cousin looked in the bag, grabbing the same piece of cake again. It was a brown color bread cake, chewing down into the sweet taste.
In his sit, Cousin thought to walk into the city again, the tire from his mind having gone away. Or he could walk to the grocery store passed the big neighborhood. The grocery store would still be open. Maybe he would buy something to drink, thinking about the food given to him from the shelter. He had a little water, but it probably wouldn’t be enough to satisfy his thirst, with the amount of food he wanted to eat. Looking at the dark of the night, he had wanted to use the bathrooms at the fried chicken restaurant after he ate. Thinking now, depending on the time, the restaurant and everything around would be closed. He could try the gas station around the corner, but to use the gas station bathroom, where he knew they would let him use it, it would have to be later into the morning.
Swallowing the last of the mouthful of cake, Cousin closed the small bag in his pocket, pushing it down into his coat. The small bag was still heavy with sweets from the eatery. Cousin stood from the crate, walking out to the trash can, walking pass the trash can into the middle of the alley.
From where he walked, the alley was dark. Only his shadow could be seen walking toward the entrance from the dimmed street lights. Passing the second trash can, he could see that the car was empty, that it was the same car from early. Cousin knew that eventually the car would get towed if they keep parking there for long periods of time.
As he came to the beginning of the side of the building where the car was parked, the two men walked around the apartment building, looking at the large shadowed man that walked toward them and the car. Getting into the car, they paid no attention to the Cousin.
Cousin, startled by the abrupt entrance of the men into the alley, hesitated in his walk to continue walking in the direction of the hamburger store.
“I told you to stay in the car. We cannot park here. You see the sign. You know the sign. What if they tow the car?”
“I just came in for a second. I wanted to say hi, to see how she was doing.”
“You wanted to say hi, to see how she was doing? Oh, the car is gone, they towed it.”
The car started as the lights to the car turned on. Walking pass the driver window from the middle of the alley, the driver said what’s up to Cousin. Cousin nodded his head at the driver, walking to the back alley entrance.
There were a couple of cars across the street at the hamburger store. Looking in the store, it looked crowded, people at almost every table. A crowd of cars came down the main street from the downtown direction. Looking at the downtown buildings from behind the back of the apartment buildings, and where he was, it had been hectic for him downtown early. And it looked hectic now as the tall buildings slept from the busy of the people of the city.
The small car pulled down into the alley, the sound of the car fading in the alley. Looking at the car, the small vehicle pulled to the front entrance of the alley, pulling out onto the main street. Cousin thought that he would just have to get use to the car being in the alley at times where he wouldn’t know, and eventually they might understand that he lived in the alley. Maybe they wouldn’t care, and not say something. Another crowd of cars came down the main street, pulling to the traffic light, the night lights of the cars blinding him as he backed from the sidewalk.
Cousin turned back into the alley, walking up into the alley. The line of lights in the apartment building windows scattered throughout both sides of the buildings. Cousin walked in the shadows of the alley to the front entrance. A car pulled up to the convenient store across the street. They looked like they were two women in the car and a small dog in the back seat. Cousin could feel his stomach begin to swell from the pieces of cake he had eaten. Standing the bed mattress up on its side, allowing it to fall against the building, Cousin moved the metal panel from across the cardboard to pull out his book bag. Unzipping the book bag, the water jar was cold as Cousin took off the top. With both hand, he began to drink from the jar.
The taste of the water was refreshing, the taste of cake in his mouth. Drinking the water, Cousin put the jar out the way, against the building. Grabbing a couple of cans of food from the torn paper bag, Cousin began to fill the book bag with the cans of food. Looking at the food in the two plastic bags from the shelter, he had to decide would he leave the food out in the alley under the panel or should he put the plastic bag of food in the bag.
If he left the food out, the food might attract something that crawled on the street of the alley. If he put the food in the bag, the food might spoil if he decided not to eat until later on in the night. Cousin, finally deciding to put the bags of food into the book bag, grabbed a couple cans of the canned food, putting the cans back into the paper bag. The paper bag lazily covering the cans, Cousin grabbed the plastic bags of food, turning the tops of the plastic around the bag, making sure it was closed.
He could smell the eggs and the hamburger meat coming from the plastic. He knew that if he kept the food in the bag for too long, regardless of the cold, the meat would spoil. But if he could wait until early in the morning night to eat, he could walk to the park way as the morning came up, and use the park way bathroom.
The plastic bags fit in tight with the crowd of cans of food. As he zipped the book bag, he could see that one of the food cans said cherries. He thought he had never had canned cherries before, and that he had not had cherries in a long time. Picking up the torn paper bag, putting it out of the way of the bed mattress, Cousin put the metal panel over the paper bag and book bag.
The bed mattress stood as large as Cousin stood as the top of the bed covered to just over the top of his head. He pressed into the cushion against the building, the cushion holding against his weight. The mattress was old and torn, but the cushion was still good.
Cousin pressed again, this time harder with both hands, going up and down with both hands over the entire front of the mattress. There was the feel of the cold from the outside on the mattress, smiling that he had felt no wet spots.
Struggling to turn the mattress against the wall on the opposite side, he could see where the mattress had torn across, but the cushion had not yet to come out. In between the tear of the bed cover, he could see the thick of the cushion that sat in the mattress.
Cousin pushed his hands against the inside of the cushion, going up and down with both hands. The mattress was cold, but the water from the rain had dried. He concluded that he could use the mattress, letting the cushioned mattress fall flat to the alley street. He would keep it as close as he could against the building, and sleep.
Walking across the alley to the first mattress he had pulled from the trash, this mattress was also torn across the cushion covering. Some of cushion had begun to come out where the tear was, Cousin pushing the cover of the mattress into the cushion. Pulling the mattress on the opposite side, the mattress was worn and old, but not torn where he couldn’t use it. He would have to find somewhere in the alley to put it until he needed to use it. To have two mattresses on top of one another might bring too much attention to the alley, that he was living in the alley.
He could put the mattress in the corner, in the middle building of the alley. It would be out the way, but the garbage people might grab it as trash to be thrown away, it being so close to the trash. He could bring it across to where he kept his book bag or take it as a cover over the broken concrete of the street of the alley.
He didn’t know. There was really nowhere to put the mattress where it would be completely hidden, it was too big. If he left it up against the wall, that would also be obvious that someone was in the alley.
Cousin thought again, looking at the shadows in the alley, dragging the bed mattress across the alley street to the side where he had the put the second mattress. Putting it up on its side, Cousin pushed it against the building on its side, pushing the bed mattress that laid flat on the alley street against the mattress’s front side.
Walking to the middle of the alley, he looked at the arrangement of the bed mattresses. You could tell that they were bed mattresses, but it seemed to look out the way. Almost like the mattresses belong to some one that had something to do with the building. Putting his hands on the mattress that laid on its side against the building, he could feel that it was also dry. His want had come through for him, thinking how comfortable the bed at the shelter had been.
Cousin laid on the bed mattress in the alley street. Even in his size, he could fit on the entire mattress, and the mattress was comfortable, that it felt comfortable. He turned over on his side, deciding that he needed some type of covers to cover him. And then maybe he could get comfortable, and get use to people seeing him sleep, how he was sleeping.
It’s one thing for people to see you sleeping on the alley street or up against the side of the alley building; he could be doing anything. He could be drunk or tired. But when they started seeing him on a bed in a city alley, they would begin to understand that Cousin lived outside.
Turning on his back, looking into the height of the building into the night darkness, he was awake. He felt himself wide awake. He thought of the grocery store. It would still be open, and he could get a couple things of water. He could walk over by the fried chicken store, and sit on the sidewalk toward the back of the store, and watch the people. The gas station really wouldn’t be quiet until later on in the night, and he didn’t want to be out that late up in the night doing nothing.
Cousin thought about the dollar movie theater. The movie theater was located on the first major street in the direction of the convenient store across the street. He would go to see something some times, but until recently, he hadn’t really had the patience to sit looking at something for a couple of hours. As with being away from the alley for too long, sitting, watching a movie took him away from the world he lived in. It was very rare that he could actually identify with anything that he saw in the movies, so it would seem liked he had wasted his money.
The last movie that he can honestly say he liked was a movie about a woman who was a singer. He had went to see the movie twice. It was something about the woman in the movie that made him awake from his confusion. But he didn’t know whether it was the woman as the actress or the woman she played in the movie, so he had went to see it again.
Cousin looked around at the alley, standing to his feet to look around again. He would leave everything as it was, taking nothing with him, walk to the grocery store, and buy some water to drink. He thought of something else he needed to go with the food he had. He could get some juice, but did he need some juice? He would just have to decide on his way there.
Walking out onto the sidewalk, the car pulled up to the convenient store. The music coming from the car was loud, and Cousin couldn’t understand what the man was saying, the music sounding more like he was screaming over some noise. The man driving the car cut the music off, getting out the car, walking into the store.
Cousin, looking up the sidewalk, began his walk up the sidewalk into the neighborhood. The door to the apartment in the abandoned building was open, the sound of young children playing, coming out onto the sidewalk. Cousin could hear some people talking inside the apartment, but he didn’t know what language it was as he walked pass the front door.
Coming to the corner of the sidewalk, the street that crossed both main streets was busy with cars and people. There were people in front of the new apartment buildings all the way up the sidewalk. There was a man out front of the people on the sidewalk, directing the people to something about the apartment building. It might be people moving in, Cousin thought. People always seemed to be moving in to the new apartments. The apartments were in a good section of the city were the air was cleaner, but still apart of the city.
A couple of people looked in the direction of Cousin as Cousin looked over the clutter of people on the sidewalk to the fried chicken store. The store looked empty again. Crossing the street, Cousin picked up his walk into a run as the speed of the cars seemed to increase in their approach on top of him. Running up onto the sidewalk of the neighborhood sidewalk, the car sped past, blowing its horn. Looking at the car continue up the street, Cousin thought the car had actually tried to hit him. And just like that, his motivation to continue on was gone. He had been sucked back into the despair of the city, and he was tired.
The first house that Cousin walked up on, that was the beginning of the neighborhood, looked dark and desolate, but in the darkness of the night, he could see someone walking around in the yard. Whoever it was seemed to be looking for something he had dropped on the ground. Walking by, the man looked at Cousin, directing his attention back to the ground of the yard, and where he stood.
Cousin liked the sidewalks out this direction. How the trees sat on the side of the sidewalk giving cover, the trees taking away the drown of concrete and buildings. The first large apartment building that sat in the neighborhood with the houses stood passed the corner, across the street. There were a couple of older people standing outside. They seemed to be waiting for something or someone, quiet. The apartment building was surrounded by a metal gate that went up above the head. The only way into the apartment building was through a gate that they keep locked, unless you lived there, and had the key to get in.
Cousin crossed the street, walking pass the older people in front of the apartment building, nodding his head as he walked by. They said nothing to him, but continued in their silence. One of the people from the group unlocked the front gate, walking into the open walk way in front of the building.
Continuing up the sidewalk, the house pass the apartment building had all the lights on, and the windows open for everyone, and any one to look in. Cousin looked at the couple of people he could see moving about in the house. Two people seemed to be arguing, seeing the anger in their faces from the sidewalk. With a nice house, in a nice neighborhood, in a big city, and still not be happy. To say something was not wrong with the entirety of the situation in the city was to only be a practice in speech.
Cousin slowed in his walk, not wanting to walk with the thought of arguing or fighting in the darkness of the neighborhood. The next couple of houses were larger houses that had yards that surrounded the entire of the house. Across the street from these houses sat two large apartment buildings fenced in with a metal gate. Cousin saw what looked like young people gathered just on the inside of the gate. As he passed the apartment buildings from across the street, one of the young people began to hand gesture to Cousin.
At first it was confusing to Cousin because he didn’t know them, and they didn’t know him. Waving again at Cousin, he turned back into whatever he was doing with the people that surrounded him.
Cousin put his head down into the sidewalk, looking up in the direction of the grocery market. Maybe he was just speaking to him, he thought. Sometimes people could be friendly. From across the street, the neighborhood he was in, Cousin probably looked like he lived around in one of the houses, looking at another large house that sat against the sidewalk; so many rooms, so many dark hiding places in the house with no way to really keep people out, unless you had some type of animal. But animals were unclean, and had a bad smell. And to have some type animal, he thought, took away from the purpose of a house. Cousin thought the alley provided more protection than a house, but did that make sense? To want to live in an alley as compared to living in a house.
Cousin walked across the street, through the traffic lights into the section of the neighborhood where they had the build of a small business section. Everything was brand new; the small breakfast eatery, the small food store. They had some type sneaker store. There was the clothing store. The restaurant that sat on the corner. There were a couple of business that had nothing in front of them but they said business. Everything, brand new, but everything was closed. The old structured gas station that looked like it came with the building of the city was open, the grit and dirt of a gas station. Cousin walked pass the people and the gas pumps to the curve of the sidewalk away from the neighborhood.
Looking up the street away from downtown, the street was busy in the direction of the grocery market. People probably as he was, wanting to get to the store before it closed for the night. If the grocery store was closed, you would have to go to some type of convenient store and pay some outrageous price or you would have to wait until the grocery store opened. And if you were hunger, you would have to wait in your hunger or spend some money.
Across the street, Cousin could see the older man with the shopping push cart. He pushed the shopping cart slowly up the sidewalk. Cousin really couldn’t tell what he had in his shopping cart, only that it was filled with a bunch of what looked like shopping bags, covered with what looked like larger bags. Looking again, the older man pushed the shopping cart up to the corner of the street across from the gas station, sitting down as the city bus stop. He grabbed a bag from his shopping cart, pulling out a bottle of something to drink.
From the direction of the grocery store, Cousin could see the city public transportation coming down the street, pulling up to the stop. The older man stepped onto the bus with the first couple of bags from the shopping cart, walking from the bus to bring another hand full of bags on the bus, putting them in the seat across from the bus driver. Walking onto the bus a final time, a couple of grocery bags in his hands, the man paid his fare, sitting down next to his bags.
The public transportation pulled down the street toward the city and downtown, the still of the shopping cart that sat next to the bus stop. The view of downtown and the buildings were no longer visible from where he was in the city.
As Cousin got closer and closer to the grocery market, he began to look around for who was around, and who was out. This part of the city was quiet in how it sat, but the people were still city people, and from long distances away, people would be around, and would watch you, and not watch you. The cars would drive over whatever. In the remote away from everything, the area could seem reckless. And with the hectic of a lot of people in one store spending money, that only increased the crazy of how the people would act.
And in looking at Cousin, they wouldn’t care about who he was or where he lived. In some ways, his humility from poverty would draw on the attacks, ridicule, and unwarranted frustration.
The number of lights coming from the cars grew in number around the grocery market, and the parking lot. Cousin crossed the last of the corner traffic lights, walking through the grass of the side walk into the grocery store parking lot. There were people everywhere; people getting into the cars, people still walking into the store, people coming out of the store with groceries, people with large amounts of bags in their shopping carts, and people in front of the store just standing in front of the store.
He had wanted to just stand in front of the grocery store. When he had first came to the city, it seemed like the place he could be, and pass the time of where he was, and be around a lot of people, but not really be around. He had been going to the grocery markets closer in the city around the park way, and around the two lane streets around toward downtown.
But he had hated like what it was, too many people with problems that led to conflict, and there was always an argument. If Cousin didn’t have to say something to someone about what they were saying or had said or had done, there would be arguing between people that were around where he was around.
So after a couple of days, he understood that he had been wrong about what he wanted, and had forgotten about the groceries stores. But when he had a little money, he liked to go into the grocery market, and spend what little he had. They had this, and they had that. It wasn’t free, but if you had it, they had it for you.
Cousin stood in the back of the parking lot, behind a group of cars, to continue to look in the direction of the store entrance. He could see a couple of people with a couple of shopping carts approaching in his direction. The group of people passed the last of the cars before the cars where Cousin stood. Breathing in, Cousin walked from behind the group of cars to walk in the direction of the front of the grocery market.
Walking into the grocery market, he picked up in the speed of his walk. There was the blur of people that passed by as they were walking out the grocery market, indulged in conversation. From conversation to conversation, Cousin’s ears were harassed with the idle talk of nothing as he walked into the entrance of the grocery aisles. The bright lights of the inside of the grocery blinded the large man that had just walked into the market.
Cousin began to walk the front of the aisles, looking at how the aisles were sectioned. They had canned foods. There were bags of something. There were things that he had never heard of or things that he never needed. The number two aisle said water, Cousin walking up into the aisle, the small bottles of water sitting in the front. Walking down the aisle towards the middle, Cousin stopped in front of the large plastic water gallons.
Looking at the price, they had something where he could get two water gallons for a cheaper price than the purchase of one. Cousin grabbed two water gallons with both hands, standing in the aisle, listening to the crowds of the people. People were all around, but the store looked like it was closing.
The woman walked down the aisle with her children. She was heavy set, and her children were young, running up and down the aisle, running around Cousin. One of the older of the children made at face at the smell of Cousin. He hadn’t realized that he had a smell that people would notice, thinking of the shower he had taken earlier. But he knew it was his clothes. The little girl grabbed her nose, running up pass her mother to the beginning of the aisle. She was going to tell the people that worked at the store that she could smell the filth of the alley on him. That he didn’t live in a house or apartment. That he lived outside, and he didn’t belong in the grocery market with them.
The young child ran around the corner of the aisle, running back into the aisle. Cousin wanted to move his feet, but the water had become heavy, and he didn’t want to move. He began slowly up the water aisle, as the smaller of the two children ran from behind him to the woman they were with, pointing at the bottles of water. Cousin walked pass the woman and the shopping cart in the aisle, as the little girl ran again up into, around Cousin.
Cousin could see someone that worked at the grocery market turn into the aisle, walking directly at him. The color of the shirt the man wore was the color of the sign at the front of the grocery market that said grocery market. Cousin began to look at some of the water and juices the store offered. He didn’t want to make it seem like he was leaving the store, that he had gotten what he wanted, and that he was now leaving.
Stopping at the juices that had a dark color to them, Cousin looked down at the cans of juices. Grabbing the juice can that said pineapple, he put the juice in the catch of his arm, turning into the walk of the man that worked at the grocery.
Turning back into the stare of the juices and canned juices like he had forgot something, Cousin put the canned pineapple juice back on to the counter. Standing, still looking at the juices, Cousin finally walked into the aisle, walking toward the beginning of the aisle and the cashier counters.
The man walked passed Cousin to the woman, and her children, and her shopping cart. “I hate to disturb you, but we have gotten complaints that your children are running around in the store, and we don’t want them to fall or something, and hurt themselves. Could you keep them with you?”
The woman’s face turned into a look of disgust. She looked like she wanted to argued, as she saw the large man with the ragged coat walk from the aisle to the cash register, into the smile of the man that worked at the grocery market. Grabbing both her children, she nodded her head.
Turning to her children, “And when we get somewhere, I’m going to beat your butt,” both children quiet in what they thought was trouble.
The cashier lines were long. Walking to the cash register closest to him, he waited behind some fat man that had a shopping cart full of things. Cousin could see the stacks of raw meats in the shopping cart, gallons of water, the clutter of items to be eaten and not eaten, cleaning supplies.
The cashier began to ring up the people that were in front of the fat man. They had a couple of items, but began to complain about the price of something they didn’t know cost more than what it was. The cashier was growing frustrated as the woman continued to speak in ignorance.
“What do you mean two dollars? The price on the store label said one dollar and something. Now you’re saying its two dollars and how much?”
“It just cost two dollars. The price is right here on the package.” Cousin watched as the cashier reached over the counter, pointing to whatever they were talking about on the package. The woman still complained that the price was wrong on the package if whatever she had seen said that it was cheaper than that.
“Well, I don’t know what to tell you. I couldn’t even charge you the price you want regardless. The computer registers the item as two dollars.”
“I don’t want it. Just put it to the side or do something with it. I’m not paying that much for something that says it doesn’t cost that much.” Grabbing the package from the items that he had already put into the computer, giving the woman the total, the woman began to question the total price of what she was purchasing.
“That’s over ten dollars, and I only got four items.” The cashier pointed to the computer, showing her what she was paying for each item. The people with the woman began to pull her on her arm, to just pay what it cost.
She unfolded the money she had in her hand. “I don’t know how you’ll stay open with the prices you are asking people to pay for things that should really cost nothing.
Giving the woman her change, “Have a nice day,” the cashier responded with a straight face, putting the package the woman didn’t purchase in a small carrying shopping cart.
“Yeah, I’m going to have a nice day, but I don’t feel satisfied as a customer. Over ten dollars for four items.”
The fat man stood behind the cash register unable to put his items on the counter, saying the woman was still in the way complaining.
“But she’s in the way,” talking to the gesture of the cashier to come forward as the woman mumbled her disgust. One of the men that stood in front of the woman grabbed her by her arm, pulling her out the lane of the cash register, as the entire group walked to the entrance of the grocery store. Cousin looked at the woman complain as she walked away, from the cash register through the front entrance of the grocery mart out the front doors.
“I ain’t never coming back in here,” the woman said in her disgust. “I could have just went to a convenient store, and saved money on gas,” was the last of what Cousin, and the people in the grocery market heard, the entrance doors to the grocery market closing behind her.
The fat man pulled his cart up to the cash register, putting the stacks of meat on the counter, the counter moving, pulling the meat to where the cashier could register the price in the computer.
From the smell of raw animal flesh, Cousin could feel the cakes in his stomach that he had eaten earlier in the alley, move around in his stomach. He had to use the bathroom, walking from behind the items line in the direction of where he thought the bathroom was.
Cousin walked up on the aisle that had milk and cheese, not seeing a bathroom. The grocery market had already begun to cut the lights off in certain areas of the store, a couple of people that worked in the store, walking into some plastic curtains that gave way to the back of the grocery market. The sign said employees only, but up under the sign, the sign that said bathrooms pointed in the opposite direction of the grocery market. Walking quickly, Cousin moved passed the last of customers’ undecided about what they wanted to get to eat or just in the grocery market shopping.
Walking into the back part of the store, Cousin passed the aisle of cans and jars of sauces and spices, walking into something that pointed in the direction of the bathrooms. His stomach began to move again, grabbing the bathroom door to the men’s bathroom. Walking in, the toilet was empty, the bathroom was empty, closing the toilet door . . . .
Closing the bathroom door behind him, he had heard someone over the speaker say that the store was in the process of closing. He could feel the panic begin to grow, that he was doing something wrong by being one of the last customers in the store. That he wanted to do something to the store or to the people that worked there. Cousin turned the corner of the aisle, slowing down to the crowded lines of people that stood waiting for the cashier. He breathed out, to try to calm down to walk to one of the shorter cash register lines.
Walking into the cash register line, the woman and man at the cash register walked away from the counter, walking out the store. The short line of people moved up forward, the two water gallons still held heavy in both of Cousin’s hands, Cousin finally putting the water gallons on the moving counter. The cashier was a different cashier than before, a woman this time. She was an older woman with short hair. Her face was fat, looking healthy, but she was small.
The woman looked at the last man in her cashier line as Cousin walked to the front of the cash register, the water gallons moved to the stop of the counter. The woman smiled at Cousin as he stood, looking at how much the water cost. He had saw a price, but the argue of what the woman had saw told him that it was going to cost whatever it was going to cost.
One dollar fifty-nine cents, the price for the water showed on the computer. Digging in his pocket, Cousin could see a couple of larger money bills in the wrinkle of his hand. Pulling through the money, Cousin pulled two single dollars from his hand, handing the woman the money.
He noticed that the wrinkle of how he had the money in his hand looked not ordinary with what was going on in the grocery store. The money looked disorganized, pushing the wrinkled money back into his pocket. The woman, still smiling, handed Cousin the change from the two dollars.
Looking up from the change in his hand, and the smile of the woman, Cousin tried to smile. The pain in his head eased, as the growing of a smile across his face became obvious. The woman laughed a little, changing her laugh back into a she was working look. Cousin grabbed the water gallons from the counter, walking out the front entrance of the grocery market. No one no longer stood out in front of the grocery, but there were people gathered around at their cars, putting bags of items in their cars or waiting in their cars to leave the parking lot.
He could see that he would have to walk through a crowd of people to get to the sidewalk from where he had come. Walking slowly at first, the group of people in front of him started their cars, pulling into the entrance of the parking lot. He didn’t want to just walk back to the alley from the grocery market, seeing the people in the parking lot. Cars were leaving, and people were still standing in conversation. The first couple of the cars that pulled onto the street of the city, turned into the direction of downtown, as the last of the cars at the entrance turned onto the street.
Looking back into the direction of the grocery market, the conversation of the people became silent as they looked at the large man with the two water gallons. He could feel them looking at him, at what he had on, at how he looked, who he was, at what he thought. Why would they care what he thought?
He shoulders tensed as he walked by the last of the people. Seeing from where he had come into the parking lot, Cousin walked into the direction of downtown. Walking over something that the grocery market had put in the front of the sidewalk, walking over the last of grass and dirt that separated the sidewalk, Cousin turned onto the sidewalk. The night would be colder than what it had been, and the alley would be colder.
There was the feel of the money in his pocket, pull tight in his pants over the pairs of pants that he had on. The lights from the street, and the lights from the few stores that were closing or that had closed, blended in the old of the gas station. The gas station lights were brighter than the lights from the street, Cousin again walking through the gas station from the sidewalk. He walked at a faster pace as the people at the gas pumps seemed to not notice the large man with the gallons of water.
Crossing the street, walking into the shadows of the sidewalk of the neighborhood, the traffic light changed behind him, the cars pulling down the street in both directions. From the intersection, up into the darkness of the neighborhood, the lights from the businesses followed him into the neighborhood.
The first couple of houses were dark, the people in them probably sleeping for work. The dark of the houses and the dark of the trees against the sidewalk calmed his headache. Everything around, outside in the darkness, was cold, but the night of the city was awake. Someone came across the street in his direction, walking pass him, as Cousin could see someone else walking down the side walk across the street.
Walking pass the last of the houses on the short street, walking through the street, he passed the large gated apartment buildings, surrounded by houses on all sides. The floors of the apartment buildings went up into the air, the clutter of lights that were on, and the darkness of the windows that gave way to the apartments. On both sides of the street, the gated buildings stood out amongst the houses in the neighborhood.
Cousin slowed his walk as he approached the houses passed the apartment buildings, the dark of the sidewalk making him cautious. It wasn’t late into the night, but he just wanted to get back to the alley where he could think about what he was going to do. He needed to go to the shelter to see if they had some clothes for him, that wouldn’t have a smell on them.
If the shelter couldn’t help him, he would have to go to the church that served food, and they would be there, but he didn’t know if they would have something for him. The church that he had went to a couple of times for clothes didn’t really have his size, and he had left the church, back out onto the street, with the ragged clothes he had on, and no clothes to put on.
He thought that he could by some cheap or second hands clothes from somewhere, but he would have to look, and to look around would be hectic with no money, and no money coming. And how long would that take before he found something? To get into the hectic of the people, in the city with things to do, might not work out for him. He had pushed the man downtown, and had not been able to get that out of the way until later on in the day. And he would have to do it all over again.
Walking pass the last of the houses into the street, the new apartment buildings looked quiet. There was no one in front of the buildings, the sidewalk empty, Cousin looking in the direction of the fried chicken restaurant.
The store was closed, and looked dark. The traffic light changed for the cars to pass across the street. A couple of cars passed Cousin as he walked up on the sidewalk in front of the new buildings. Walking pass the buildings, Cousin walked down the main street, seeing the convenient store still open. The street in front of the convenient store was empty as the car turned the corner, around from the direction of the neighborhood, driving down the main street, stopping in front of the store.
From where Cousin was walking, he couldn’t see who was in the car, the passenger getting out, running into the convenient store.
Cousin, slow in his walk, could see the apartment door to the apartment in the abandoned building still open, but there was no noise coming from the inside. He thought it strange that they would have their door open in the late of the early night with children, and the busy of the street. Walking pass the door, Cousin could hear some people talking in a low conversation. His shadow from the street light shined up on the building, crossing the inside of the apartment, coming out against the side of the building that faced the street.
The alley was empty, and did not greet him as he walked into its entrance. The cold from darkness grabbed through his coat. Walking to the bed mattresses against the alley street and the restaurant building, Cousin put the water gallons next to the cover of the metal panel, laying into the comfort of the bed mattress. Turning on his back, he looked up into the heights of the buildings that surrounded the alley, staring at the tops of the buildings above the last floors. To be on the tops of the building, away from the city. No one would see him, and he would see only what he wanted to see.
The convenient store doors opened and closed, the driver door to the car that sat out front of the store opened and closed, the small car pulling out down the street toward the city.
Cousin grabbed the money from his pocket, getting up from the bed mattress, moving to the metal panel where he could put his back to the wall of the building. Pulling his hat from the inside of his coat, pulling it down over his face, Cousin grabbed the small bag of cakes from his coat pocket. Cousin looked up the alley, and back around to across the street. He didn’t see anyone, as the window light from the apartment in the abandoned building cut on. He could see what looked like someone moving behind the window, that someone was in the window looking out into the alley.
Cousin couldn’t move, with the little bit of money he had in his hand, the small bag of cakes sitting next to him on the alley street. He could see the small space of darkness that separated the window from the bricks of the building. Dropping his head into his lap, he looked down at the alley street. Cousin closed his eyes, as his headache came back, and the tense of his shoulders.
He waited a couple seconds before looking up into the entrance of the alley, looking at the filth of the sidewalk, finally looking into the direction of the window. The light was off, and whoever was behind the window was gone.
Reaching his hand into the bag, he pulled out a piece of cake. The cake was a white color, soft all the way through, the flavored taste of sugar over a taste he couldn’t describe. Grabbing another piece, eating the cake, Cousin began to chew slowly in thought. The little girl had grabbed her nose at how he smelled in the grocery store, and she had been a child. He was carrying a smell of filth wherever he went, looking at the coat he had on, the shirts under the coat, the ragged of his pants.
The noise of the wind blowing cold through the alley into the alley darkness, the blow of trash cluttered into the large trash can. He needed to change his clothes, and he needed a new coat. Moving the metal panel behind his back, moving the cardboard that sat on top the plastic bags, Cousin grabbed a smaller piece of cardboard. Putting the cardboard on the alley street, he sat down.
He opened his hand again, seeing the wrinkled fold of money unfold. Cousin began to separate the money into the individual amounts. There was one ten dollar bill. As he counted, he had thirteen one dollar bills, and someone had given him a twenty dollar bill. Growing nervous at the amount he had, he didn’t want to continue to count it. Putting the money together in disorder, he pushed the money fold back into his pocket.
Sliding from the cardboard onto the alley street, Cousin moved over to where his book bag sat, under the metal panel and cardboard. Pulling the book bag from under the panel, unzipping the bag, there was the smell of hotdogs and hamburgers, and cheese with eggs.
Cousin moved back with the two plastic bags of food, sitting down on top the cardboard. He straightened his back against the building wall, stretching his hands and arms. Grabbing another piece of cake from the small bag that sat on the cardboard, he bit down into the taste of vanilla and caramel.
Opening the first plastic bag of food from the shelter, he was motionless in his look to see if something had crawled up into the food. All Cousin could see was food, the tangle of cheese and eggs, and hotdogs. He put his hands into the bag, moving the food around. He could see a little of the hamburgers at the bottom of the plastic begin to become visible. Cousin studied the sides of the plastic bag. Seeing nothing moving around, closed the bag of food, tying the plastic into a knot.
He put the plastic bag between his legs, grabbing the second bag of food, grabbing another piece of cake.
Cousin put the cake in his mouth, the taste of chocolate and sugar, sucking on his lips the taste of chocolate. The ache and tire from his legs and head began to go away, swallowing chocolate, opening the plastic bag that sat on his lap. There was the smell of sugar and cake frosting, and thick loaves of bread. The cakes and bread were stacked and piled over top one another.
Closing the second plastic bag, tying it in a knot, he began to look outside the plastic to see for something crawling around. The bag was dirty and soaked with the grease from the cakes, but the bag was clean from something that might go into his food.
He had the cans of food in his book bag, and in the torn paper bag that remained up under the cover in the alley street. He had a couple bottles of juice in the paper bag, and he had gotten his hair cut from the shelter. To the back entrance of the alley, the car drove by the alley entrance on the back main street, slow from the direction of the downtown buildings into the direction of the fried chicken restaurant. The night had become darker, the darkening of the alley in the light of the building and the street, but the city was awake and open. . . . continue